Friday, June 10, 2011

Another big step or 2

There is nothing more frustrating than trying to lose weight. I feel guilty if I mess up, I feel guilty if I don't feel guilty for eating to much. I feel guilty if I am "good" for a whole week and get no results in return. I begin to think my body isn't responding, or that I've messed my body up so bad it is doomed. I get sick of policing myself, and pork down a bunch of food. I then of course feel guilty. I've decided today, I will no longer diet. I'm done. I'm sick, tired, and angry. It gets to a point that when you sit down to a meal, if you have the following questions in your head "How many points is this in Weight Watchers?" followed immediately by "Well, on Sparkpeople you go by calories and this is X amount of those so should I use that instead?" followed by "But what about the fat?" and on and on, that you realize, diets don't work. I lost 20 pounds last year on Weight Watchers. It works. Until you get sick of the counting and obsessing and you gain it all back. I'm done. My body is 40 pounds overweight. I am 170 and it's to much weight on my frame. HOWEVER, I have discovered dieting isn't the answer.

I first read about Mindful Eating in Oprah's Thought for Today email I get daily. That was about a year and a half ago. It mentioned an author by the name of Geneen Roth and her book, Women Food and God.
Geneen Roth

I wanted the book immediately but I don't like to buy books new so I forgot about it. A couple of months ago I found the book at my local Salvation Army for 99 cents. I bought it and...for lack of a better word...devoured it. I thought it sounded fabulous but then fear and confusion kicked in. could I lose weight without dieting? What if I tried mindful eating and gained weight instead? GAH. So I ignored it and have bounced back and forth between counting calories on Sparkpeople, to using the new WW points plus program. I was not successful. Especially after my first week on WW when I was spot on with points and lost nothing(typically that first week people lose like 4 pounds. Whatever.

Today I was stumbling around the internet and I saw an article by a Mindful Eating Dr. that had been on Oprah and Dr. Oz. that led me to reading more and more and finding a fabulous blog by a woman named Michelle May MD. Her blog is called Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat. It's amazing There are articles about things like the 7 things you should never say to your children (in regards to food) and I'm telling you right now, it hit home. I am going to be diligent and mindful about the way I speak about my body around my children. I'm going to stop punishing myself for "misbehaving". I am going to stick with this mindful eating stuff, because I truly believe this is it. This makes sense.

In my wandering I also came across a website called Adios, Barbie. It's a site about body image. Check it out. I think I am beginning finally to fleshing out my true path, and to me that is a huge relief. I hope anyone who reads this gets some insight and perhaps a breath of fresh air. I know I have found those things today.
Love Kira

1 comment:

  1. You'll find your way, I know it. You are gorgeous no matter what, so I'm glad that you've stopped stressing about the number. Weight Watchers has been working for me, but I think that's because I've discovered that I like keeping track of my eating. I never thought I would, but I actually do. It's weird. I can foresee a day when it gets old, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Make sure you keep us updated on your new path. I love reading your insights into things. Also, that Adios Barbie site is freaking awesome.